ACT

Australia's main centre left party and current opposition. Focused on higher wages, cheaper child care and... oh look, you know who these guys are. It's a bunch of mostly inoffensive politicians, a tad left of centre. Will they win and do something useful this time? Who knows.

They want to cap Australia's population at about 30 million, and significantly reduce Australia's immigration intake to achieve that. But they're not an anti-immigration party! Their policies in general are vaguely left wing, but the kind of left wing that your nimby aunt and uncle would get behind (as long as it didn't affect their real estate value).

Populist bastards who will say and do anything to get elected. Clive Palmer and Craig Kelly's right wing libertarian United Australia Party is promising to give you back your freedom. They are vehemently opposed to lockdowns that already ended, to vaccinations which 97% of people already got, to border closures that Mark McGowan already lifted, and to debt that both parties racked up. Proposing a mining tax on iron ore, which won't hurt Clive's coal mining businesses, but will probably hurt them in Western Australia.

The current government. You should already know about them. If you don't, well, they're a fairly boring set of white conservatives that have presided over corruption, incompetence, economic damage and natural disasters of biblical proportions yet are not doing (and will never do) anything useful about it.

Former flanker and heart-throb David Pocock is running for the ACT Senate with help from the Climate 200 fund, which is definitely, absolutely, without question, not a political party. He's a devoted Christian with 78 Wallabies caps, he married his wife in casual clothes under a tree next to an Esky, and once chained himself to a contruction vehicle to stop a coal mine - the combination of which must go down as one of the most unlikely Rugby careers ever. Will probably win the award for highest number of coreflutes installed on Canberra's roundabouts.

Her name is indeed Kim, and she is for Canberra, so at least the party name is accurate. After a couple of decades of being a policy advisor for both Labor and Liberal parties, she's apparently gotten fed up with not being listened to, and decided to run herself. Kim is one of two ACT senate candidates who have recieved funding from the Climate 200 fund.

Progressives, hence the name. Don't like to be pigeonholed as 'left' or 'right' but are pro climate change action, against offshore processing of refugees, pro ABC, and want more science funding, so, you know, I know which hole I'd put their pigeon in. Also want "more challenging play environments for children", which may or may not mean squid game for babies. Had a brush with death when deregistered by the AEC in March 2022 but managed to survive on appeal.

The third largest party in Australia, after Labor and the Liberals. (Yes they get twice as many votes as the Nats, yes they want you to know that.) Their policies include dealing with climate change, expanding medicare, and solving the housing crisis. But they don't take donations from big corporations, so you can guess how well *that's* going.

Formerly known as the HEMP party, Legalise Cannabis Australia are seeking to tap into a mood amongst the Australian people that after the last 3 years, we badly need to get high without getting arrested. Let's face it, after our respiratory systems have already been destroyed by bushfire smoke and a pandemic, what further harm could a little marijuana smoke do?

Representing people is hard, so they represent animals instead. Despite representing a non-voting, non-human constituency, they have actually managed to get elected to two state parliaments. They want to make it illegal to sell processed meats to people under the age of 18 (good thing bacon-loving teens can't vote). If you're a cottagecore cat lover, your vote doesn't get any more on-brand than this.

Originally a single issue party on vaccinations, they've now spread out to be anti fluoride, 5G, abortion, GMO, and the UN. They should probably have checked what 'imo' is short for before picking a name with that acronym, but honestly, the "in my opinion" Party is surprisingly apt.

Miscellaneous independent candidates. Only really relevant if you're voting below the line and if you are then I salute you.