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QLD

A

Rise Up Australia

Racist far-right nasties with the added bonus of being completely bonkers. Led by Danny Nalliah, a young earth creationist convinced that Jesus met him personally (from 3.40am to 6.00am, Jesus apparently being a very early riser).
Political leaning: Far-right
Likes: Fundamentalism
Dislikes: Islam, gays, the song "Rise up" by Andrea Day, being banned by Facebook for hate speech
"His conditional protection has been removed from the nation of Australia, in particular Victoria, for approving the slaughter of innocent children in the womb."
- Danny Nalliah, on how the Black Saturday bushfires were due to the decriminalisation of abortion
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B

One Nation

Australia's original far-right, race baiting, anti-immigration, flat tax, redneck party. Supports voluntary euthanasia for some inexplicable reason. Got busted recently for trying to solicit donations from the US National Rifle Association and the Koch Brothers.
Political leaning: Far-right
Likes: Please explain.
Dislikes: I don't like it.
"I haven't flip flopped. I said no originally, then I said yes, then I said no, and I've stuck to it."
- Pauline Hanson
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C

United Australia Party

Clive Palmer's attempt to make Australia great again through sheer weight of yellow billboards and Trump-style populism. Mostly a grab bag of right wing big business tax cuts and infrastructure spending. In other words stuff that will make Clive Palmer money.
Political leaning: Right wing Trumpism
Likes: Ruining the Australian Open coverage with $50 million dollars in ads, unsolicited text messages, also dinosaur golf courses
Dislikes: Paying his nickel workers their entitlements, paying royalties to Twisted Sister for plagiarising their song
"It's not my fault that I've made a lot of money."
- Then whose fault is it, Clive Palmer?
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D

Liberal National Party of Queensland

Australia's main centre-right party in government, led by Tony Abbott.... oh, actually Malcom Turnbull, but not really - hang on, Peter Dutton? Oh, actually Scott Morrison. Sorry about that. A broad church of dominant conservatives and small l-liberals who don't get listened to any more.
Political leaning: Centre-Right
Likes: Changing leaders every 2 years after promising not to. Giving tax concessions to the wealthy. Stopping the boats.
Dislikes: Climate change science. Leadership stability. Malcolm Turnbull.
"[Menzies] talked about the importance of freedoms. Of faith. Of religion. Of speech. Of association. That's a great place to start a party, I reckon, and it's a great place to continue to run a party from.
- Scott Morrison, Albury, Sept 2018.
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E

Involuntary Medication Objectors (Vaccination/Fluoride) Party

Anti-vaxxers and fluoride skeptics, together at last. People who want to go back to the glory days of smallpox and tooth decay. Their website does feature a hilarious, surprisingly well produced video featuring a mum running through green fields, a toddler getting scared by ScoMo on TV and a logo that turns into a syringe. Truly paranoid crap. Registered in a small Northern NSW town because of course they are.
Political leaning: Unknown
Likes: Bad teeth, Whooping cough epidemics.
Dislikes: Recent scientific evidence proving that autism isn't linked to vaccinations. The dental industry.
"Who do you trust with your child's health.... them, or you?
- Party advertisement
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F

Climate Action! Immigration Action! Accountable Politicians!

The Online Direct Democracy party realised their name was too boring (ironically not ODD enough), so decided to lie instead. Their name actually has nothing to do with their party position, as they don't have a party position on anything, instead promising to allow all citizens to vote on all legislation. Obviously didn't learn from Jeb Bush's failed 2016 presidential bid that exclamation marks don't work.
Political leaning: Direct Democracy
Likes: Exclamation marks!
Dislikes: The actual democratic process!
"The intent...was to take advantage of the six words allowed by the AEC"
- Press release
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G

Animal Justice Party

Justice for animals! Don't like basically anything that hurts animals whether it's evidence-based or not. All candidates must be vegan to join the party.
Political leaning: Left
Likes: Cute fluffy animals
Dislikes: Factory farming, scientific experimentation, kangaroo culls
"AJP is supported by a cohort of human-hating, urban-based, largely idle-rich and well-off middle class types, that have no empathy for their fellow human beings"
- That's big talk from a gun nut, Shooters, Fishers and Farmers' spokesgun Robert Borsak.
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H

Greens

Australia's largest environmentalist party, known for caring about climate change even when there isn't an election on. The party that wants to build more affordable housing, except when it's built right next door. The party that hates factional politics, except when Lee Rhiannon and Jeremy Buckhimgham do it. The party that... well you get the idea.
Political leaning: Left
Likes: An actual credible climate change policy. A compassionate refugee policy that meets our international obligations. Factional infighting in NSW.
Dislikes: Adani. Corporate political donations. The old, big parties. Climate change turning the Earth into an apocalyptic hellscape.
"It's all about the sort of leadership that people are getting at the moment. They're fed up with this sorta day-to-day bickering, not putting the national interest ahead of these narrow partisan interests."
- Pot calling the kettle black, Richard Di Natale
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I

Fraser Anning's Conservative Nationals

Racist, bigoted, Nazi-sympathising bastards who deserve nothing but contempt. And eggs. When Pauline Hanson calls you out for being a Nazi you know it's pretty dire.
Political leaning: Far right fascists
Likes: Fascist thuggery, white supremacy, racism, victim blaming, etc.
Dislikes: Eggs and the heroes who throw them.
"Straight from Goebbels' handbook from Nazi Germany"
- Pauline Hanson
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J

Australian Labor Party

The current opposition led by Bill Shorten, the most boring, square daggy dad seen in Australia since the 2014 Toyota Camry ad. Promising to end tax loopholes, save medicare, and stop the revolving door of leadership changes (even though Bill Shorten started it).
Political leaning: Centre-left
Likes: Medicare, ending tax loopholes, climate change action (but only a little bit). Zingers. The song "hip to be square", by Huey Lewis and the News.
Dislikes: Being asked about the Adani coal mine, refugees, or carbon pricing.
"ZINGER"
- Bill Shorten
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K

Independents for Climate Action Now (ICAN)

Led by Father Rod Bower of Anglican Gosford Church fame (the guy that puts left wing political slogans on his church sign). They are a variety of independent candidates of various ideologies who all want action on climate change, but felt they can't vote green due to other Greens policies (presumably on religious matters?). On issues other than climate change their candidates are free to vote how they want - Rod Bower himself is definitely left of centre. One of the more catchy acronyms going around.
Political leaning: Various, but mainly left wing
Likes: A zero emissions climate change future.
Dislikes: The far-right heckling dickheads who interrupt his church services.
"We will continue to proclaim the gospel of love no matter what #SydneyAnglicans do."
- Rod Bower on Twitter
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L

Australian Workers Party

Trade union officials who have started their own microparty in protest at a "move towards neoliberalism by the ALP". Policies are basically left-faction ALP, with a focus on manufacturing industry jobs. Want a universal jobs guarantee and a 32 hour working week, a republic, and to nationalise the power grid.
Political leaning: Left
Likes: Trade unions, what the ALP used to be
Dislikes: What the ALP is now, Neoliberalism, the Queen
"It's ludicrous to think that self driving cars and voice activated mobile phones are going to?eliminate all human endeavour"
- Phew, I was worried about that (AWP Website)
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M

Australian Better Families

Believe there is a gender-bias against fathers in family law court cases. Founder is a men's rights activist linked to One Nation's dubious family law policy. Wants a Minister for Men, because of course they do.
Political leaning: Right
Likes: Men, mental health reform, live music
Dislikes: "Fake" domestic violence
"Don't hide away in a dark corner. Take yourself down to your state and federal members' office and let them witness your final act in person"
- Some? questionable advice from Better Families Founder Leith Erikson
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N

Help End Marijuana Prohibition (HEMP) Party

Want legal marijuana. Registered in Nimbin because of course they are. Apparently their website lists a land line phone link to the "HEMP embassy" which manages to be both a hilarious pun and an ever so slightly offensive appropriation of the Aboriginal Tent Embassy.
Political leaning: Far left
Likes: Legalising Hemp, and using it for literally everything. Nimbin. The munchies.
Dislikes: Da police. Joining an existing political party that shares their values.
"HEMP has a plan to integrate the whole plant into our everyday lives for medicine, food security, the environment and social harmony."
- HEMP party website
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O

Australian Conservatives

Cory Bernadi's crusade machine. Conservatives with your standard far-right-wing policies. Blah blah no renewables blah blah pull out from the refugee convention blah less foreign aid blah. Amusingly, advocate for both "children understanding the values of Western culture" and "the removal of all political indoctrination from the curriculum".
Political leaning: Far right
Likes: Western Culture, Christianity, not much else
Dislikes: Holiday eggs, abortions, same sex marriage (too late)
The party issued a policy release in April, 2017 urging party members to petition major chocolate companies to oppose Easter Eggs being renamed Holiday Eggs. The release caused confusion on the grounds that there was no evidence any major chocolate company had ever done that in Australia, or that anyone had ever asked them to.
- Wikipedia
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P

Labour DLP

DLP Labour is all about "families"- and you can probably predict what comes next. It generally supports workers rights from a centrist position, but runs a conservative faith-based social agenda. Is anti-abortion and remains opposed to same-sex marriage. Basically the old groupers, but with no obvious union links today.
Political leaning: Centrist on economics, right wing on social policy
Likes: BA Santamaria, pretending to be a workers party, "family values".
Dislikes: Abortion, LGBTIQ community.
"A basic element of our philosophy is that the interests of Australians may be best served by preserving, protecting and building on the family. "
- DLP Website
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Q

Katter's Australian Party

The party that isn't going to be too concerned with same sex marriage when EVERY THREE MONTHS SOMEONE GETS RIPPED APART BY A CROCODILE IN FAR NORTH QUEENSLAND.
Political leaning: Right wing agrarian socialism
Likes: Gaffe-riddled press conferences. Tarriff protections. Defending Fraser Anning.
Dislikes: The National Party. Crocodile attacks.
"People in Brisbane and all over Queensland - if you've got a ride-on mower, you cannot do the lawn in front of your house. How ridiculous is this? Once again you've got this most unfree state on Earth."
- Bob Katter
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R

Group R - QLD

Hetty Johnson is a child protection advocate and anti-paedophilia activist, and the founder of the organisation Bravehearts. She was the former leader of the Australian Democrats in Queensland in the 1990s. Most of her policies relate to child protection, including mandatory sentences for repeat child sex offenders. On other issues, she seems to support a phased transition away from coal and opposes the Adani Coal Mine, but does not support Labor's negative gearing changes. A fairly typical centrist.
Political leaning: Centrist
Likes: Tougher child protection and sentencing, negative gearing, Koalas, fence sitting.
Dislikes: Adani
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S

Great Australian

Former One Nation Senator (sorry, 'senator-in-exile') Rodney Culleton's new party. Completely unhinged. They're anti-vaccinations for a start, then try to claim that income tax is voluntary and go downhill from there. Their website used to link to a number of conspiracy theory pages - including how 9/11 and Paris 2015 were false flag operations, how Port Arthur was staged to take away our guns, how local local government is unconstitutional, and how MH17 was payback for Vladamir Putin trying to bypass the US Dollar. Check your brain at the door folks.
Political leaning: Libertarian Conspiracy nutcases
Likes: Conspiracy theories
Dislikes: Any semblance of common sense
"Just because I turn around and say that I took a key, it's no different to taking a scone off someone's plate."
- Rod Cullerton, claiming he wasn't guilty of theft in a WA court case
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T

Pirate Party

The pARRRrty that loves piracy, mainly of the internet vARRRiety. Campaigns a lot on open-access, intARRRnet freedom, pARRRivacy, digital rights, freedom of infARRRmation and pARRRticipatory democracy.
Political leaning: Left-LibertARRRian
Likes: Piracy, Open access. Boats (we presume).
Dislikes: Internet censARRRship. When people read their policy platform in a pirate voice. Or maybe they do, we don't know.
"Our movement occupies a unique place in politics, providing leadership in the issues of today which you won't find in other political parties - digital activism, human rights, economic responsibility and transparency of government."
- Pirate Party website
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U

#Sustainable Australia

A rare bird, an anti-immigration party with a bunch of standard left-wing policies (more public transport, reduce factory farming, less privatisation, carbon pricing). Centrist, or confused? You be the judge.
Political leaning: Center
Likes: Hashtags, people thinking they're about environmental sustainability when they aren't.
Dislikes: Immigration, people thinking that they're racist
"A sustainable population is achievable by diversifying Australia's economy away from an over-reliance on housing construction, which requires ever-more people. "
- Sustainable Australia president William Bourke
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V

Love Australia or Leave

The political vehicle of a racist that went on a national TV program about refugees and emerged more racist than before. Her website has too many exclamation marks to be run by anyone remotely sane. A low point of Australian democracy.
Political leaning: Far-right
Likes: Australia, apparently, but only the white bits.
Dislikes: The UN, Mosques
"Often it's the left yelling out that we're racist and bigots and xenophobes"
- Gosh I wonder why, Kim Vuga
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W

Shooters, Fishers and Farmers

Does what it says on the tin. If it moves they want to shoot it, if it doesn't they want to 4WD on it. Pretend not to support gun deregulation, but during the 2011-15 NSW parliament they argued in favour of shooting in national parks.
Political leaning: Rural Right
Likes: Cows with guns
Dislikes: The National party. Water mismanagement. Hey, you want to fish or farm, you need water.
"For the past eight years, we've seen government spending skewed heavily towards Sydney. It's time the bush got its fair share,"
- SFF Leader Robert Borsak
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X

Group X - QLD

Tony Moore is running on a broadly centre-right platform, especially with regards to family politics, but hates major political parties (despite, or perhaps because, of being a serial Family First candidate previously). Spends 95% of his website talking about how broadly speaking major political parties are a corruption on democracy, but in the fine print on one of his pages he says he does not support left of centre parties and would support an LNP government if forced. Go figure folks.
Political leaning: Centre-right
Likes: Family values and other vague platitudes
Dislikes: "leftist parties"
"When elected, Tony is likely to give support to form a conservative (coalition) government, and there after make all decisions independently in the best interests of the people he represents, where ever they may be found, forged and/or delivered. Tony does not and will not support politically-left aligned parties, policies and ideologies, nor those - overtly or covertly - associated with, or whom underwrite, resource, and propagate such things that subvert what makes Australia the great free Nation that it is."
- Tony Moore website
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Y

Liberal Democrats

David Leyonjhelm's party, but he's not running this time, because he quit to run in the NSW state upper house (where he lost). Generally run by people who hate any government intervention in the economy or society and can probably explain what bitcoin is.
Political leaning: Right wing libertarian
Likes: Declaring victory prematurely.
Dislikes: Government intervention and regulations.
"It is evident that I have been elected".
- David Leyonjhelm, prematurely declaring victory in the NSW state upper house.
Narrator: He wasn't.
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Z

Citizens Electoral Council

Completely, utterly, hilariously bonkers. Conspiracy theorists of the highest order: They believe that the Queen controls the drug trade, that we should use DDT as a pesticide again, and that rock music was created by the British secret service. Anti-semitic. Also an actual cult.
Political leaning: Right wing conspiracy
Likes: Lyndon LaRouche, being unhinged
Dislikes: CONSPIRACIES
"LaRouche himself has long since become the walking punchline to a very strange joke. He is known for some of the most baroque conspiracy theories ever put into circulation. Members of the LYM now deny that he ever accused the Queen of England of drug trafficking - though in fact, he did exactly that throughout the 1980s."
- Book critic and columnist Scott McLemee
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