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WA

A

One Nation

Australia's original far-right, race baiting, anti-immigration, flat tax, redneck party. Supports voluntary euthanasia for some inexplicable reason. Got busted recently for trying to solicit donations from the US National Rifle Association and the Koch Brothers.
Political leaning: Far-right
Likes: Please explain.
Dislikes: I don't like it.
"I haven't flip flopped. I said no originally, then I said yes, then I said no, and I've stuck to it."
- Pauline Hanson
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B

Involuntary Medication Objectors (Vaccination/Fluoride) Party

Anti-vaxxers and fluoride skeptics, together at last. People who want to go back to the glory days of smallpox and tooth decay. Their website does feature a hilarious, surprisingly well produced video featuring a mum running through green fields, a toddler getting scared by ScoMo on TV and a logo that turns into a syringe. Truly paranoid crap. Registered in a small Northern NSW town because of course they are.
Political leaning: Unknown
Likes: Bad teeth, Whooping cough epidemics.
Dislikes: Recent scientific evidence proving that autism isn't linked to vaccinations. The dental industry.
"Who do you trust with your child's health.... them, or you?
- Party advertisement
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C

Liberal

Australia's main centre-right party in government, led by Tony Abbott.... oh, actually Malcom Turnbull, but not really - hang on, Peter Dutton? Oh, actually Scott Morrison. Sorry about that. A broad church of dominant conservatives and small l-liberals who don't get listened to any more.
Political leaning: Centre-Right
Likes: Changing leaders every 2 years after promising not to. Giving tax concessions to the wealthy. Stopping the boats.
Dislikes: Climate change science. Leadership stability. Malcolm Turnbull.
"[Menzies] talked about the importance of freedoms. Of faith. Of religion. Of speech. Of association. That's a great place to start a party, I reckon, and it's a great place to continue to run a party from.
- Scott Morrison, Albury, Sept 2018.
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D

The Greens (WA)

Australia's largest environmentalist party, known for caring about climate change even when there isn't an election on. The party that wants to build more affordable housing, except when it's built right next door. The party that hates factional politics, except when Lee Rhiannon and Jeremy Buckhimgham do it. The party that... well you get the idea.
Political leaning: Left
Likes: An actual credible climate change policy. A compassionate refugee policy that meets our international obligations. Factional infighting in NSW.
Dislikes: Adani. Corporate political donations. The old, big parties. Climate change turning the Earth into an apocalyptic hellscape.
"It's all about the sort of leadership that people are getting at the moment. They're fed up with this sorta day-to-day bickering, not putting the national interest ahead of these narrow partisan interests."
- Pot calling the kettle black, Richard Di Natale
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E

Fraser Anning's Conservative Nationals

Racist, bigoted, Nazi-sympathising bastards who deserve nothing but contempt. And eggs. When Pauline Hanson calls you out for being a Nazi you know it's pretty dire.
Political leaning: Far right fascists
Likes: Fascist thuggery, white supremacy, racism, victim blaming, etc.
Dislikes: Eggs and the heroes who throw them.
"Straight from Goebbels' handbook from Nazi Germany"
- Pauline Hanson
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F

Pirate Party

The pARRRrty that loves piracy, mainly of the internet vARRRiety. Campaigns a lot on open-access, intARRRnet freedom, pARRRivacy, digital rights, freedom of infARRRmation and pARRRticipatory democracy.
Political leaning: Left-LibertARRRian
Likes: Piracy, Open access. Boats (we presume).
Dislikes: Internet censARRRship. When people read their policy platform in a pirate voice. Or maybe they do, we don't know.
"Our movement occupies a unique place in politics, providing leadership in the issues of today which you won't find in other political parties - digital activism, human rights, economic responsibility and transparency of government."
- Pirate Party website
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G

Australian Labor Party

The current opposition led by Bill Shorten, the most boring, square daggy dad seen in Australia since the 2014 Toyota Camry ad. Promising to end tax loopholes, save medicare, and stop the revolving door of leadership changes (even though Bill Shorten started it).
Political leaning: Centre-left
Likes: Medicare, ending tax loopholes, climate change action (but only a little bit). Zingers. The song "hip to be square", by Huey Lewis and the News.
Dislikes: Being asked about the Adani coal mine, refugees, or carbon pricing.
"ZINGER"
- Bill Shorten
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H

WESTERN AUSTRALIA PARTY

WA focused party, as you would expect. Grumpy that other states collect more GST than them but refuse to install more poker machines.
Political leaning: Far-West
Likes: WA, CAPITAL LETTERS
Dislikes: The devil eastern states
"I think it was a bit of a protest vote"
- WA Party candidate, Russell Goodrick, on securing a whole 6 per cent of the vote in a by-election
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I

United Australia Party

Clive Palmer's attempt to make Australia great again through sheer weight of yellow billboards and Trump-style populism. Mostly a grab bag of right wing big business tax cuts and infrastructure spending. In other words stuff that will make Clive Palmer money.
Political leaning: Right wing Trumpism
Likes: Ruining the Australian Open coverage with $50 million dollars in ads, unsolicited text messages, also dinosaur golf courses
Dislikes: Paying his nickel workers their entitlements, paying royalties to Twisted Sister for plagiarising their song
"It's not my fault that I've made a lot of money."
- Then whose fault is it, Clive Palmer?
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J

Help End Marijuana Prohibition (HEMP) Party

Want legal marijuana. Registered in Nimbin because of course they are. Apparently their website lists a land line phone link to the "HEMP embassy" which manages to be both a hilarious pun and an ever so slightly offensive appropriation of the Aboriginal Tent Embassy.
Political leaning: Far left
Likes: Legalising Hemp, and using it for literally everything. Nimbin. The munchies.
Dislikes: Da police. Joining an existing political party that shares their values.
"HEMP has a plan to integrate the whole plant into our everyday lives for medicine, food security, the environment and social harmony."
- HEMP party website
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K

Australian Christians

Actively trying to join church and state in non-gay marriage. They seem to be under the delusion that Australia is white and Godly. A split from Fred Nile's Christian Democratic Party.
Political leaning: Far-Right
Likes: God, Jesus, military
Dislikes: Teaching evolution in schools, abortion
"We believe that the Biblical principles concerning economics should be consistently upheld"
- The Australian Christians website, presumably trying to get all those money lenders out of the temple
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L

Animal Justice Party

Justice for animals! Don't like basically anything that hurts animals whether it's evidence-based or not. All candidates must be vegan to join the party.
Political leaning: Left
Likes: Cute fluffy animals
Dislikes: Factory farming, scientific experimentation, kangaroo culls
"AJP is supported by a cohort of human-hating, urban-based, largely idle-rich and well-off middle class types, that have no empathy for their fellow human beings"
- That's big talk from a gun nut, Shooters, Fishers and Farmers' spokesgun Robert Borsak.
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M

Australian Conservatives

Cory Bernadi's crusade machine. Conservatives with your standard far-right-wing policies. Blah blah no renewables blah blah pull out from the refugee convention blah less foreign aid blah. Amusingly, advocate for both "children understanding the values of Western culture" and "the removal of all political indoctrination from the curriculum".
Political leaning: Far right
Likes: Western Culture, Christianity, not much else
Dislikes: Holiday eggs, abortions, same sex marriage (too late)
The party issued a policy release in April, 2017 urging party members to petition major chocolate companies to oppose Easter Eggs being renamed Holiday Eggs. The release caused confusion on the grounds that there was no evidence any major chocolate company had ever done that in Australia, or that anyone had ever asked them to.
- Wikipedia
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N

Liberal Democrats

David Leyonjhelm's party, but he's not running this time, because he quit to run in the NSW state upper house (where he lost). Generally run by people who hate any government intervention in the economy or society and can probably explain what bitcoin is.
Political leaning: Right wing libertarian
Likes: Declaring victory prematurely.
Dislikes: Government intervention and regulations.
"It is evident that I have been elected".
- David Leyonjhelm, prematurely declaring victory in the NSW state upper house.
Narrator: He wasn't.
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O

Citizens Electoral Council

Completely, utterly, hilariously bonkers. Conspiracy theorists of the highest order: They believe that the Queen controls the drug trade, that we should use DDT as a pesticide again, and that rock music was created by the British secret service. Anti-semitic. Also an actual cult.
Political leaning: Right wing conspiracy
Likes: Lyndon LaRouche, being unhinged
Dislikes: CONSPIRACIES
"LaRouche himself has long since become the walking punchline to a very strange joke. He is known for some of the most baroque conspiracy theories ever put into circulation. Members of the LYM now deny that he ever accused the Queen of England of drug trafficking - though in fact, he did exactly that throughout the 1980s."
- Book critic and columnist Scott McLemee
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P

Shooters, Fishers and Farmers

Does what it says on the tin. If it moves they want to shoot it, if it doesn't they want to 4WD on it. Pretend not to support gun deregulation, but during the 2011-15 NSW parliament they argued in favour of shooting in national parks.
Political leaning: Rural Right
Likes: Cows with guns
Dislikes: The National party. Water mismanagement. Hey, you want to fish or farm, you need water.
"For the past eight years, we've seen government spending skewed heavily towards Sydney. It's time the bush got its fair share,"
- SFF Leader Robert Borsak
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Q

Socialist Alliance

People who think Trotsky died of natural causes. Supported mainly by upper class law students from Cremorne and Toorak who got to go on free "study tours" to Havana. Which they definitely, definitely didn't put photos of on instagram later for shameless likes.
Political leaning: Far Left
Likes: Hugo Chavez. Che Guevara. Lenin. Refugee rights. Protesting at Labor party conferences. Equality.
Dislikes: Selling out.
"Must.... crush..... capitalism!""
- Zombie Lenin from that Simpsons episode.
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R

Great Australian

Former One Nation Senator (sorry, 'senator-in-exile') Rodney Culleton's new party. Completely unhinged. They're anti-vaccinations for a start, then try to claim that income tax is voluntary and go downhill from there. Their website used to link to a number of conspiracy theory pages - including how 9/11 and Paris 2015 were false flag operations, how Port Arthur was staged to take away our guns, how local local government is unconstitutional, and how MH17 was payback for Vladamir Putin trying to bypass the US Dollar. Check your brain at the door folks.
Political leaning: Libertarian Conspiracy nutcases
Likes: Conspiracy theories
Dislikes: Any semblance of common sense
"Just because I turn around and say that I took a key, it's no different to taking a scone off someone's plate."
- Rod Cullerton, claiming he wasn't guilty of theft in a WA court case
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S

Yellow Vest Australia

An anti-islam, far right cesspit of a party who are opportunistically riding the coattails of the gilets jaunes in France despite having almost nothing in common. Formerly known as the Australian Liberty Alliance.
Political leaning: Far-right
Likes: Donald Trump, Geert Wilders, stealing the name recognition of an entirely different movement because you didn't get traction before
Dislikes: Islam, mosques, Rupert Murdoch (who decided that they were too extremist to put ads in his paper. Which is saying something.)
"Being opposed to a mosque does not make you a racist, mosques are not a race"
- Yes it does, Australian Liberty Alliance candidate Kirralie Smith.
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T

Health Australia Party

Misleadingly named 'natural medicine' believers. Not technically anti-vaccination but pretty close. Also wants Swiss-style national military service for some reason? Maybe being shot at is good for your karmic balance.
Political leaning: Unknown
Likes: Giving other people's kids the measles, bees
Dislikes: Fluoride, the AMA
"Do you know what they call 'alternative medicine' that's been proved to work?
Medicine."
- Tim Minchin
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U

The Nationals

Do you miss the agri-economics and sexism of politics from yesteryear? This is the party for you. The spleen of the Coalition - they need it to live, but nobody really knows or cares what it does. Their policy documents actually include a guide to dealing with sexual harrasment complaints within the Party. There's even a flowchart.
Political leaning: Right
Likes: Screwing the murray darling basin, screwing people who aren't their wives, coal seam gas
Dislikes: Laborlaborlaborlaborlaborlabor
"Laborlaborlaborlaborlaborlaborlabor party, the Queensland Labor government, Laborlaborlaborlabor..."
- Barnaby Joyce actually said this in an ABC radio interview
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V

#Sustainable Australia

A rare bird, an anti-immigration party with a bunch of standard left-wing policies (more public transport, reduce factory farming, less privatisation, carbon pricing). Centrist, or confused? You be the judge.
Political leaning: Center
Likes: Hashtags, people thinking they're about environmental sustainability when they aren't.
Dislikes: Immigration, people thinking that they're racist
"A sustainable population is achievable by diversifying Australia's economy away from an over-reliance on housing construction, which requires ever-more people. "
- Sustainable Australia president William Bourke
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W

Flux

A party that promises to vote exactly how you tell them to, so they don't need to come up with any policies themselves. Ran a bunch of fake candidates in a WA State Election, which goes to show how much they like that whole democracy thing.
Political leaning: Direct Democracy
Likes: Issues Based Direct Democracy
Dislikes: Representative democracy, except when they try to win seats in a representative democracy without any irony whatsoever.
"Elected Flux MPs and Senators give up their autonomy and use their votes in line with the outcomes produced by the Flux ecosystem; an ecosystem comprised of ordinary Aussies like you."
- Flux Website
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