DonkeyVotie

A non-serious guide to the 2016 Australian Senate ballot paper
Confused by the array of minor parties on the Senate Ballot Paper for the 2016 Australian Election?
You're in the right place.
An unofficial, offbeat, and irreverent guide to Australian politics
Figuring out how to vote in the Senate is a daunting task. There's all these strange parties you've never heard of, with odd names and no information about what they represent or what they stand for. To help you out, we've created a handy guide to all the strange parties on the ballot. This is the first election where you can vote above the line in the senate and have your votes go to only the parties that you want them to go to, so make it count!
Don't forget: This is Australia - you can't waste your vote!
Disclaimer: This list makes no claim to be unbiased, even-handed, or even accurate. It is not associated with any party or political group (though the author does lean leftwards). It is definitely not endorsed by the Electoral Commission.
NEW! Create a printable cheat-sheet for your Senate ballot on the day!

Choose your state:

ACT NSW NT QLD SA TAS VIC WA

ACT

A

LIBERAL DEMOCRATS

Libertarian (i.e. wants less government with less power). Often supports traditionally left-associated causes (e.g. marriage equality) but in general is all about cutting government programs, government support and privatising the world. Election list almost exclusively male. Recent scandal for accepting $500,000 'donation' for someone to be on their ticket, in an unwinnable position.
Political leaning: Mid right, libertarian
Likes: Privatisation, free markets, assisted suicide, Gay marriage
Dislikes: Political correctness, the Greens, gun control, "big government".
"Private ownership of native animals will save them from extinction."
- David Leyonjhelm
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B

SECULAR PARTY OF AUSTRALIA

Want to get religion out of politics, schools, other places.
Political leaning: Centre Left
Likes: Atheists, abortions, gays, humanist values.
Dislikes: Religion in politics, churches not paying tax
"A new report prepared by a researcher for the Secular Party has uncovered undeniable links between halal certification of Australian meat products and the genital mutilation of girls in Indonesia."
- Secular party website
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C

LABOR

The current opposition. According to their critics, they are a bunch of left wing economic job destroyers who are also so right wing that they are no different to the Liberals.
Political leaning: Centre Left
Likes: Imprisoning children, not imprisoning unions, gays, Gonski reforms
Dislikes: Liberal party members, cuts to medicare
"ZINGER"
- Bill Shorten
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D

RISE UP AUSTRALIA PARTY

Racist fascist idiots. Involved in street brawls and protesting the building of new mosques. Their founder (Danny Nalliah) is actually Sri Lankan by birth, so they're at least diverse, but he's also a genuine young-earth creationist. So heavily religious anti-multiculturalism.
Political leaning: Far Right
Likes: Southern cross tattoos, punchups, misusing the Eureka Flag, thinking the earth is 6,000 years old.
Dislikes: Muslims, new mosques, women, anti-fascists.
"With this I woke up from my dream with the interpretation as the following words came to me in a flash from the Spirit of God. That His conditional protection has been removed from the nation of Australia, in particular Victoria, for approving the slaughter of innocent children in the womb.?
- Rev Dr Daniel Nalliah, RUA
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E

SUSTAINABLE AUSTRALIA

The party for racists who don't actually want to admit it and idiots who believe that Australia is 'full'. One of only two parties to campaign for lower immigration (the other is One Nation). Claims to be anti-discrimination and pro-immigration but also wants to reduce the number of immigrants by two-thirds so perhaps just confused about what those words mean.
Political leaning: Centrist-ish
Likes: Wearing thongs with the Australian flag printed on
Dislikes: Muslims. Sometimes the Chinese. Being called racist.
"There's only one serious solution to our inundated roads. It is decent public transport and lower immigration."
- William Bourke, SA
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F

LIBERAL & NATIONALS

A strange coalition of men in suits and country bumpkins. Currently run the country. If you don't know who they are, turn on the news.
Political leaning: Centre right
Likes: Jobs & Growth, imprisoning children, jobs and growth, investment properties, jobs and growth, not privatising medicare, jobs and growth, secretly privatising medicare
Dislikes: Losing, gays, poor people
"Leadership and personality politics tend to be an important driver of what happens inside the Liberal Party."
- Dr Nick Economou
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G

ANIMAL JUSTICE PARTY

Single-issue party focused on animal liberation. Doesn't like animals being used for scientific research or entertainment.
Political leaning: Left wing
Likes: Animals
Dislikes: Animal cruelty, animal experimentation
"Eventually we'd like to be involved in all the parliamentary committees because there isn't a single decision-making process in government that doesn't impact on animals somewhere along the way."
- Frankie Seymour, AJP
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H

THE GREENS

Slightly lefter than Labor, the third party of Australian politics (just). Greens press release mad-libs: "The old big parties can never *insert policy here*. Only the Australian Greens can *insert policy here*."
Political leaning: Left wing
Likes: Trees, Carbon Pricing, The Great Barrier Reef, the seat of Grayndler, promising things they'll never have to deliver.
Dislikes: Imprisoning children, pointing out what a mess Tasmania is now
"Tony Abbott might think coal's good for humanity, of course it was an important driver in the story of the Australian nation. But when we're talking about the 21st Century and those industries that are gonna take us forward, it won't be coal."
- Richard di Natale, Greens
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I

CHRISTIAN DEMOCRATIC PARTY (FRED NILE GROUP)

Fred Nile and his merry band of homophobic conservative Christians.
Political leaning: Far right
Likes: Being Holier Than Thou, Praying for Rain on Mardi Gras, watching porn on parliamentary computers for "research"
Dislikes: Gays, the Burqa, topless bathing. Yes Fred Nile Actually complained about that once.
"God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve"
- Fred Nile
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J

AUSTRALIAN SEX PARTY

Although on the left of politics they are more "libertarian". They stick up for sex workers but also take a stand against wowsers and censorship. Are actually doing a preference deal with Labor
Political leaning: Left wing
Likes: Gays, cannabis, secularism
Dislikes: The Greens, who they had a random falling out with for some reason, churches not paying tax, the religious right
"I can understand how some people can find the message 'screw the major parties' offensive, but taxing the church is a very legitimate and important policy that the Australian Sex Party has, for that to be censored is just ridiculous."
- Steven Bailey, Sex Party
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