The third largest party in Australia, after Labor and the Liberals. (Yes they get twice as many votes as the Nats, yes they want you to know that.) Their policies include dealing with climate change, expanding medicare, and solving the housing crisis. But they don't take donations from big corporations, so you can guess how well *that's* going.

Hardcore conservative Christians who believe that they have been blessed by God Himself with the "authority to rule and reign over this land". This is actually the WA-only remains of the Australian Christians party after the rest of it merged with Cory Bernardi's carnival of the unhinged, which tells you most of what you need to know. Recommends voting for One Nation because of course they do.

Populist bastards who will say and do anything to get elected. Clive Palmer and Craig Kelly's right wing libertarian United Australia Party is promising to give you back your freedom. They are vehemently opposed to lockdowns that already ended, to vaccinations which 97% of people already got, to border closures that Mark McGowan already lifted, and to debt that both parties racked up. Proposing a mining tax on iron ore, which won't hurt Clive's coal mining businesses, but will probably hurt them in Western Australia.

Australia's main centre left party and current opposition. Focused on higher wages, cheaper child care and... oh look, you know who these guys are. It's a bunch of mostly inoffensive politicians, a tad left of centre. Will they win and do something useful this time? Who knows.

They want to cap Australia's population at about 30 million, and significantly reduce Australia's immigration intake to achieve that. But they're not an anti-immigration party! Their policies in general are vaguely left wing, but the kind of left wing that your nimby aunt and uncle would get behind (as long as it didn't affect their real estate value).

The Democrats used to be a significant force in Australian politics. Now they aren't. They got deregistered, but have risen from the dead to ineffectually nibble at the heels of politics like a very tiny zombie. They're 'Centrists' with a strong position on building more social housing, increasing social support and more funding for aged care. Are apparently very worried about a hypothetical terrorist plot to blow up the new hypothetical nuclear subs once they're built but before they're launched, leading to nuclear fallout, which certainly isn't in my top ten concerns right now but sure.

The original right wing racist party, in recent years Pauline Hanson has branched out into other forms of far-right populism. Her most recent efforts include complaining about vaccinations, lockdowns, and spreading misinformation about voter fraud. Attempted to run candidates in all 150 lower house seats only to be called out by the AEC for several of these candidates living in other states.

Democratic socialist party that strongly opposes capitalism, with its origins in the old Communist Party. They stand for increasing taxes, nationalising big businesses (e.g. banks/mining companies), withdrawing from trade agreements, taking action on climate change, and re-writing the constitution. Since the invasion of Ukraine their brains have been scrambled by Vladimir Putin making himself an even bigger evil imperialist than the United States, which has sent their campus poster-makers into confusion.

Formerly known as the HEMP party, Legalise Cannabis Australia are seeking to tap into a mood amongst the Australian people that after the last 3 years, we badly need to get high without getting arrested. Let's face it, after our respiratory systems have already been destroyed by bushfire smoke and a pandemic, what further harm could a little marijuana smoke do?

Fully subscribed to the conspiracy lifestyle. Think that taxation is optional according to the constitution, the UN stole our sovereignty in the 70's, and the covid vaccine is a conspiracy. Want to remove the word 'government' from 'local government' for some reason. Their website features a very detailed set of instructions for an oven cleaner which they do not sell. Their only senator (a defector from One Nation) was charged with assault, kicked out of parliament, and currently lists his profession as 'senator in exile'.

Researcher and campaigner with a focus on preventing suicide, reforming prisons, and helping the homeless. Had "Marxist inklings" when younger, whatever that means. Very active in Indigenous issues.

Picture small government. Smaller. Smaller. Even smaller than that. That's what the Liberal Democrats are trying to achieve. They want to sell everything - education, health, the post office, ABC, SBS, our National Parks... all in the name of personal freedom and lower taxes. Well known for running candidates who used to be part of one of the two main parties, this year it's QLD's former Premier Campbell Newman. Amusingly their website features the Eureka flag, which will almost certainly result in them being shortly "paid a visit" by the Victorian CFMEU.

Originally a single issue party on vaccinations, they've now spread out to be anti fluoride, 5G, abortion, GMO, and the UN. They should probably have checked what 'imo' is short for before picking a name with that acronym, but honestly, the "in my opinion" Party is surprisingly apt.

Founded in 2021 by a former soldier, so you can take a stab (literally) at the 'values' they're talking about. 'Centrist', but don't really like abortion much (they claim to be both pro-life and pro-choice, which isn't really how that works), pro guns, don't like asylum seekers, etc. Their website is 90% photos of their founder's face, quotes from him, videos of him, and his signature.

Representing people is hard, so they represent animals instead. Despite representing a non-voting, non-human constituency, they have actually managed to get elected to two state parliaments. They want to make it illegal to sell processed meats to people under the age of 18 (good thing bacon-loving teens can't vote). If you're a cottagecore cat lover, your vote doesn't get any more on-brand than this.

The No Mandatory Vaccination Party, who didn't have enough members to actually register as a political party for this election. It's almost like they actively encourage their members to die from preventable diseases (though realistically it's probably just too much competition from all the other anti vaccination parties).

After a brief stint being named The Australia Party/Give It Back (yikes), the newly renamed AFP is a loose collection of conspiracy theorists and people who spend too much time on the internet. They want Australia to be neutral but demand China withdraw from Hong Kong. They hate vaccines, want to abolish superannuation, and think we should revert to the Gold Standard. Whackadoodles.

The current government. You should already know about them. If you don't, well, they're a fairly boring set of white conservatives that have presided over corruption, incompetence, economic damage and natural disasters of biblical proportions yet are not doing (and will never do) anything useful about it.

FUSION is an amalgamation of five former micro-parties, running on an evidence and science-based platform of climate action, social justice, privacy and digital rights. We tried to imagine what a secular, scientifically trained climate pirate would look like, but all we can picture is Megamind with an eyepatch.

WA focussed, as you'd expect. Mostly grumbling about the fact that they don't get an equal share of tax revenue, and don't trust the Liberal or Labor parties because they're "controlled by Eastern States Interests."

Anti-semitic hardcore conspiracy theorists - the renamed (and infamous) "Citizens Electoral Council". Amongst other things they believe that the Queen controls the drug trade, love nuclear power, and think Peter Dutton wants to reinstate the national draft. Oddly, they support Australia signing up for China's Belt and Road scheme. They also want to change classical music tuning to 432HZ instead of 440Hz for conspiracy reasons.

Unsurprisingly want a Federal ICAC, now. That's pretty much all they want, in fact - they have policies on almost nothing else. Their party acronym is "FIN", and they have a shark fin on their logo, which is one of the more outstanding visual puns seen recently in Australian politics (not a crowded field).

Miscellaneous independent candidates. Only really relevant if you're voting below the line and if you are then I salute you.

They want those damn kids, Albo and Scomo, to get off their lawns. And what kinds of names are they, anyway! Scomo? Sounds like a laundry detergent. They have decent policies on aged care (unsurprisingly), but for some reason they decided to keep going. Their policy positions sounds like a group of 80 year old white men riffing on the phrase "Back in my day..." Seem to want to reinstate the Draft for all school leavers. For some reason they think they'll have the Balance of Power by 2030.